sexy athlete defies whore beauty!!!!

WHAT sexy reality star’s athletic ex-boyfriend has a penchant for transsexuals? The single and never married footballer’s dirty little secret was the main reason she left him! Kim Kardashian/Reggie Bush

NEW DAWN

Lately i have been feeling so much rejuvenated with life ,i have been finding myself and to say the truth ''me time'' has really worked for me this time. I have been wondering what it would fell like actually resolving to stop pushing the things that make you -you and embracing the inner you.

At times  ad feel really scared on what the world around me would think of me,the judgment ,the low whispering in the alley,street and other places,the gasp of my close friends and family would show when the know the truth.Many would resonate with me its a difficult undertaking more so when the future is so unknown.

Nevatheless i have made a resounding resolution to live a life of self worth coupled with self respect ,love and assurance. Whatever the world will hurl at me it will be dealt with accordingly and no fear or negative vibe will put me down. I guess a journey of a thousand miles start with one step and when i read the first post i did about me ,i feel i have really evolved and thanks to you guys for reading and your comments that have made me fell a sense of belonging in this journey of life.

I have been reading alot of new blogs (to me )lately and i found my footing where i lie.Both extremes can be comforting but i gues one has to find where your soul,mind and body clicks the best and thats where your true self  lies. As i have mentioned in this blog earlier am a person that many of my friends find valuable and to be really sure they will not bolt when i finaly unleash the beautiful truth is a surerity that i may reckon is far fetched.

Many a times when birds of a fether flock together one may be so oblivoius to the destructive ideologies as you are made to feel welcome in enjoying what is called living ''the truth'' i intend to take what is constructive and that which can add value to my life and embrace it . I will not be pulled in self medoicrity in the contest of promisciuty,desperation in the race to feel loved or experience what has been eluding me.

We all have what makes us and in respect of the new dawn in my life ,its not going to determine what i am and what i can achieve or do in my world.I  know some will disagree but we all have the freedom of choice ,the difference lies on how wise is your choice.

So as i said in the post i have read of very interesting blogs and i will do a blogs review and post the links in a laterpost so yo can check emm out. The traffic has been incresing lately and i love it-to my new readers enjoy-to all please feel free to comment or email-robmark516@gmail.com for topics you wann see discussed or any questions.

Happy thanksgiving.

Horny actors partying

While at a party a few weeks ago, TV Actor 1 set up his new lover, TV Actor 2, with a "date" for the night. Actor 1 thought that Actor 2 would enjoy the experience of hooking up with someone different. The media got hold of the story from other party guests, and reported that the hunk was on the prowl and had a one night stand with this very beautiful woman. Well, almost. The mainstream media got it wrong. The "date" was actually a pretty pre-op transsexual! The Actors are both happy about the media report, though, as it allows them to both remain in the closet for another season.TV Actor 1: Shawn Pyfrom
TV Actor 2: Chace Crawford
"Glee" party

Cresent strikes back

Gay Star's Clueless Beard Walks In On a Shocker! People have a right to live their lives, let's be clear about that. And that's why we do not out gay stars at AT, never have, never will. But when matinee idols like Toothy Tile and Fey Oil-Tush choose to involve other, non-gay folks in their clandestine lives, it changes the rules. For instance, Crescent Kumquat's latest beard was beginning to wonder why the heck the handsome star never laid a finger on her in private. Well, she just found out the reason the hard way: When the gorgeous, tall stunner Crescent had been parading around to parties just happened to hop over to her man's place to surprise him (and she found that he was not only home, but, the place was pretty open). Only it was she who got the shock when she walked in on Crescent having sex with a dude! And not just a little petting or oral action, either, babes, Crescent was right in the middle of getting done to him what the gorgeous, real-blonde chica had wished he would do to her! Now, we gotta say we're starting to wonder just how much dope Crescent's doing these days, because not even outlandish sex Vice Super-stars like Toothy and Crotch Uh-Lastic take this many chances—you know, like leaving the house wide open while getting it on with a guy inside. But then who'd have thunk the gf would come over for a surprise? Well, all the more reason to actually give these beards a little lovin' once in awhile, boys. Ya know, so they're not so damn horny! But the discarded chica does get the last laugh, we must note. Won't be getting that nasty social disease Mr. Kumquat's known to have, whew! Wonder if that latest blondie CC's been out with will be as lucky? AND IT AIN'T: Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen, Robert Pattinson.


Suspect-CHACE CRAWFORD
Source - TED CASABLANCA

True blood star in the down low

I really wish I could have witnessed this first hand. I heard it was hysterical. So, this recent network reality star who is more famous for something other than being on a reality show for a bit was walking down the street yesterday in West Hollywood when she was confronted by a very angry man. The reality star has supposedly been dating this B-/C+ primarily television actor and the man on the street was not happy. The gist of the conversation was that the reality star had stolen her man. The reality star thought the person meant like he was a fan of the actor and was just joking about the theft of "his man." Turns out that is not the case at all as he loudly proclaimed right there on the street that until our reality star came along, the man on the street and the actor had been "fucking and sucking" every night but because he could not make him famous he went out and found a "slut like you." Elisabetta Canalis/Mehcad Brooks

Source-ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER

Movie scoop

When the principal actors of a film do pre-release interviews, they usually talk about the main themes of the movie. Not in this case. Some of the main players of this upcoming film are completely skirting around one of the film’s main topics. We think it’s because it hits a little too close to home. All of the leads – as well as the director – are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Only one of them is out of the closet. We think it would make for much better interviews and much better box office for the film if they would just suck it up and speak openly about the topic… even if they aren’t willing to come out at this point."J Edgar Hoover" Lance Black (the screenwriter) is out. Leonardo DiCaprio and Ed Westwick
"Margin Call" Zachery Quinto (out). Kevin Spacey and Penn Badgley
"Breaking Dawn: Bill Condon is openly gay. Kristen Stewart; Robert Pattinson; Taylor Lautner

source-blind gossip

I never thought leo was in the closet!!!!!

Young actors trending dangerously

This female reality star was at a party with a number of closeted gay actors recently. What the rest of the guests didn’t know was that four people were going to be staging a little play starring the reality star and three of the actors. The objective was to get the guests to buy into the drama and feed the story to the tabloids. The “story”, approved by their publicists, was that the reality babe was dating a hunky actor, and that the actor’s television costar – along with the costar’s boyfriend – were quite vocal about the relationship. The reality star and the three closeted gay actors all played their roles to the hilt, and the story did wind up in the tabloids. What is still unclear, though, is whether it was a one-time publicity stunt, or if the reality star‘s convincing performance has secured her a longer-term gig as a paid beard.Reality Star: Lauren Conrad
Actor: Chace Crawford
Actor’s Costar: Penn Badgley
Costar’s Boyfriend: Shawn Pyform

Pen and shawn look cute together- i love this couple and i know most of yo too.

Source blind gossip

Hunky star forced ito denial

This newcomer is hunky and talented and has landed at least two very desirable lead roles in the past two years. While they may not have been huge box-office successes, they definitely gave him a higher profile in the industry. His publicists are having a problem with him, though. He started out his career as an openly gay man. And now they are having problems pushing him back into the closet. After all, how can he land the big action leads if people know he’s gay? So, he’s been given a beard, and recent interviews have contained awkward snippets of him talking about his relationships with women, and the kinds of things he does to impress his dates. Um, sure. Luke Evans "Immortals", "The Three Musketeers"

Metroic Fear

Recently there was high drama and panic in a remote village in Kenya where something like a Metroic object fell from the sky. The villages went into panic for another fall so most went indoors and hoped for the best.

Imagine you are looking up in the sky and wondering if an object is gonna fall ,the  fear of the unexpected, fear of the future we know nothing about ,the shock ,blood rushing through the veins, the vasodilatation of the capillaries, the 1000 beats per second, the ultimate feeling of no control.

At times we are so overwhelmed by the metroic fear that we go numb, hibernate, hide, go quasi, passive or innate –inactive state that we don’t face the inner person we are to be the best we can be.

We have to learn to let go of our inequities, faults, disabilities and believe in your capabilities and making it in whatever that you are strong at. This has been one of the strongest vices that have kept me chained and not to appreciate the beautiful things human can be.

Many a times we fall in the depths excuses for the things we have not done , buying that car , taking the mortgage, chatting that hottie at the mall-she/he gave me that look “don’t even try” really ,we need to be courageous to face our most revered fears and make a mountain out of a more hill.

Inaction can be anything in general one feels so strongly about to make a move on but suddenly the metroic fear takes over.it overrides the mind in thinking anything constructive and of adding value to ones life.

Many who fear relationships –would be heard saying “men with commitments me nah,I don`t do r/ships” they are either complicated or a lot of drama –the commitment thing aint for me yo-one would retort.  Being hurt or in a previous emotionally draining r /ship doesn`t close the door to future bliss ,we have to go beyond our insecurities and find in ourselves the person that can be loved and love back.

Moreover ,in this kind of lifestyle,  many are perceived to be cheaters ,I mean the libido here is just crazy, many a times satisfaction is a word that has no place in the dictionary, many tend to have a variety it seems “interesting” . one night stand is the norm of the day –am no garbage bin for your trash but variety is good if traded carefully ad  reckon.

This has been a struggle for me esp. in going against the grain in dating ,with chicks its easy as it’s the norm thing to do but with dudes,  I have never tried risking, I mean what do one expect a slap, an outing, being shamed in public or living with guilt that one day amma be exposed to the world.

The feeling of somehow giving one too much to work with against my innocence is such a protective gear I have worn for many years,I don’t at times I wish the world would be so open one can just approach anyone and say what u thinks ,it would be easy but I guess we gotta learn to be patient and adapt to the environment we live in.i don’t want to regret something I would have prevented.

Sincerely right now am at a point where I don’t know what to do with myself but enjoy each day as precious, loving myself of course and strongly believing in what I know is right within my frame of judgment.

One day I guess I will be that courageous and hala………….

Come out already zac!!!!

This teen heartthrob recently spent the night hanging out at a club in Los Angeles. Not a big deal, since he broke up with his girlfriend months ago. While everyone wanted to dance with him, he quickly zeroed in on one particular tall willowy blond, and the two spent a good part of the evening dancing and grinding together. He wound up taking the lucky one home, presumably for a romantic night together. Did we mention that this was a gay club, and that the blond was another guy? The heartthrob’s ex-girlfriend would not be surprised at all about this, nor would she care. She’s already moved on to her next beard. Zac Ephron


This well known actor from the Twilight franchise is set to come out. He wanted to do it in this round of press tours but is being pressured to wait until the final installment tour.

???????-taylor lutner 
blind gossip

Blind item 2-glee secret

There’s no denying that this actor is very talented. However, in this town, talent will only take you so far. There’s a good reason that our actor’s been getting a lot more face time and screen time and attention this season than the rest of his castmates. It’s because our actor hit the old casting couch with the show’s producer. Even though the overt favoritism is causing dissension among the ranks, the producer just can’t stop giving his honey more screen time and parading him around at various industry events like a prized poodle. Most people outside the show haven’t made the personal connection between the actor and the producer yet. Perhaps it’s because there is such a significant age difference between the two. Or, perhaps it’s because the actor has explicitly stated in interviews that he is straight. Or, perhaps it’s because the producer is supposed to be getting married.
Show: "Glee"
Actor: Darren Criss
Producer: Ryan Murphy

blind gossip 

Twilight goes both ways

Bi Guy Grabs Slutty Beard to Protect A-List Boyfriend. We knew something didn't make sense! When the deliciously sexy (and untraditional) movie star Nevis Devine started hanging out less with his on/off boyfriend, the almost-as-handsome Barrington Bang-Me, we thought it was just the natural ebb of Nevis' libido. He's more into girls than guys, after all. But then we discovered the downtime between the guys was far more to do with Barrington's master plot! Oh, what a tangled web these bisexual boys can weave! Not that long ago, Barrington hooked up with a pretty visible gal. This was right around the time people were started to wonder what the hell's going on with the two guys, anyway. But, no more! Bare's new babe (who's been around almost as much as Nevis has, hmm...) took care of those rumors. However—surprise, surprise—things are rotten between Barrington and the beard. But, what really is a surprise is the fact that we just discovered: Mr. Bang-Me only took up with said honey because he didn't want to endanger Nevis's career, he didn't give a you-know-what about his own reputation. Oh, my. Is this love? And It Ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Hugh Grant, Alexander Skarsgård.
Nevis Devine: Rob Pattinson
Barrington Bang-Me: Tom Sturridge
Barrington's new babe: Sienna Miller

ted casablanca 

WHEN………***

 When it seems so surreal, it dawns with such heaviness within ones soul, everything moves so fast yet so slow.

When it burns you inside alive and there is not a possible way to extinguish the fire, you fell so hapless.

When its all said and done, yet there can be more stories to be told, a story to be untold ,a dreadful revelation to be unearthed, one fears and treble with fear of unknown.

When the fear of unknown takes us hostage, you can’t find to acknowledge the truth-it hurts so deeply yet in the midst of the pain you need to find love in whom you are.

When you seem to be the life of the party, everyone loves your gift of gab, you are a well of knowledge, people love your company, yet you feel so alone withing who you are.

When a smile and a voice to tell you –“it’s okay” is the only remedy your souls desperately craves yet one knows it’s never going to be enough to turn the tables.

When the entire confidence one exudes, so attractive. So strong, so admirable, yet at times you look in the mirror and you see the flaws you have, the feeling of ugliness rears through.

When the grace you extends to those in need is the medicine one needs to take.

When the pain becomes so unbearable, one writhes, cringes, moans, tears yet the happiness we so desperate want is withing who we are.

When its all said and done becomes a cliché quote, we start to question what has become of us, questions linger within our thoughts of who are we and what we want to be.

When it feels so bleak, like in solitude, when cling on hope that- the birds singing will usher the ray of new beginning we eager to commence.

When our conscience fails us to discern with what a facade is and what really intrigues our aspirations of being a success.

When the feeling of being inadequate, insignificant, against normal, helpless and in “something “you can`t find an adjective to describe –know all is not lost as find solace in finding yourself.

When vices become so enticing seemingly the only option we fail in our core dependent values that can thrust us to greatness we yearn to achieve.

When it feels like you are walking in a crowded street yet so alone, the world seems so deserted with souls walking rather than beings. No one can see you yet you yearn to be noticed.

When it feels so stupid to say, do or think something you can’t take back, you may feel anger and remorse at the same time. We wish we knew better

When knowing you is a task you haven`t conducted then you are at point of deveiaton.so deviate right or left the choice is yours.

When all these above happen, we may feel to let go and throw ourselves in a cocoon of self evaluation, being critical and melancholic within –know that it’s OK, you are allowed to be human and this will help you grow in what you want to be become.

Love you guys.

Hot realization

Lately i have been seeing hot guys around ,i mean everywhere i go am like this dude is kinder yummy.Just a few days ago i was in town jst walking then he passed me hurriedly MY GOSH -the first thing i saw was the beefy butt cakes ,men he was packing with a dem twos moving on accordance with his walking style. 


 He was brown skin,average height,more on the muscular side ,donning a hot tight t-shirt with low hanging rusty blue jeans with such swag i guessed he was perfect fucking material. He wore one earing on one side so i got a tiny tiny idea he might be playing on the good side.
  
There was also one day just recently i was coming to school and this hot neighbor -this guy is called rider -he loves riding a motor bike around the estate.recently he was involved  in a road accident and i knew from a friend of mine who is also his kinder best friend. so seeing him that day -imagine you guys the first thing taht came to my mind was i think i can fuck this guy as in can give up my virgin ass (cherry pooping- try guy sex for the first time) to this hot hunk.

The guy is relatively good looking to me average scale he as 8-10 being burning hot.he has this swag about him that is just so surreal yet so intriguing -i like to  mystery, by the way he gives me none gay vibe -you know those people you admire but never imagining anything working. The one thing that stood for me is how he made me make  such a deep decision regarding actually engaging gay sex. 4 real he can make me try it-4 him he does it -i don't know how but he has the x keys unlocking my innocence.


Lesson learn i mean dudes have "something" about their bodies that just does for me-be brown,relatively built,have nice cakes and killer personality yo have me twisted.

The crush

Kenny was a dosing off in the history class his mind somewhere far away day dreaming of his crush Jake, he loathed afternoon lessons after all, he sat at the furthest corner and Mrs. Spencer knew of his lazy habit, mrs Spencer was one of the most vocal historians he ever knew, was top of her class and an alumni of Yale but her teaching method was just so uninteresting to him.

‘Kenny what year did the Berlin wall brought down?’ Mrs. Spencer barked.

“WHAT?” Kenny asks looking awaken!!!

Mrs. Spencer, ‘Go get some air Kenny you are ruining the beauty of my class’

Kenny walks off the class leaving giggles behind him. Just as he emerged from the corridor he almost bumped onto Merissa –Merissa is Kenny’s ex girlfriend, she is the queen bee of the school ,she is a mixture of Mexican ,black and Caucasian, she is endearingly beautiful and she knew the truth about Kenny which they sweared to each other should never come out. 

Merissa busted Kenny one night having sex with a dude she knew was Kenny`s study buddy, she missed her boyfriend and decided to drop in promptu. Since then Merissa has nothing but hate towards her ex-how could he do that to her yet many guys would love to have her. This if could ever come out it would destroy her queen status and so that was the bargaining chip Kenny used to seal the secret. Kenny as well was not ready for the ‘coming out party’

Jake was a brown in complexion down to earth kind of a guy, he was one of the most intelligent people Kenny ever knew, life of the party his friends would refer to him, they are not even friends but he would feel this natural connection to him but there was something that every time he would see Jake it would ignite this strong sexual attraction to him. His sense was style was just so straight –thuggish just as he likes on his boys, he would tell himself.

He would asked himself in a monologue –I thinks it’s the eyes, probably the swag ,the smile-the lips gosh!!, the laughter or maybe his walking style damn I love all about this guy –there is something though he would resign-I can`t put my finger on it but it’s there he believed.

Kenny passed her ex and decided to look back after passing to his shock –she meets and hugs Jake at the furthest corner as they hold hands going further. Kenny eyes opened wide and he almost had a panic attack fortunately he cooled down.

The following day he met Jake at the college cafeteria.

Kenny; hi,

Jake; hi,

Kenny; Jake right?

Jake; yea-Jake mcloon, you?

Kenny; Kenny mars.

Kenny; you know Merissa?

Jake; yea she so nice, very beautiful I may add(smiling)

Kenny; I know I used to date her.

Jake; ohh, sorry men, what did happen?, I hope am not prying or anything (sounding apologetic)

Kenny; no not at all, she found me cheating.

Jake; ok-do you regret?, just by the way was she worth it?.

Kenny; no regrets, was just being myself and no it was a guy!!

Jake; (gasping) OHH so you are bi or gay?

Kenny; I don’t know yet but I like guys.

Jakes phone rings and he leaves-see you mate he waves .Oh my God what have I done am so gonna be outed, jeez did he noticed am into him?

He imagined how big his dick his-he had a big bulge when he sat next to him. His dick would probably be a mushroom (he loves mushroom dicks the rubber sheaths does it for him). Kenny`s dick was rock hard and he felt so horny,he would love to be naked and licks jakes balls whilst sucking his juicy sweet dick,he wanted him so badly inside him to fuck him like never be done before. It’s long since he had sex and it was calling him, he knew what he wanted to do?

Labels stories

So far yet so near!!

Of late I have been grappling with this distasteful feeling of what will it really happen of me or maybe am not who I think I am, Let me tell a story, It was in my first year, I was friends with D. So many a times I used to go D`s class to say hi, but there was this friend of his called M who was strange. M really liked blinding me from behind like with his hands on my eyes a behavior I used to find very weird taking into account we were not friends. so fast forward few months our friendship kinder grew and we really got very close –we used to message one another very frequently on facebook or on the phone .M is one of these polite guys very innocent looking ,really Cute and generally neat. He is around 5`8 slender guy with very good sense of grooming.
I used to remember we`d hang out around campus and he would like just touch my nipples- very quickly catching me always unawares, and surprisingly enough it felt good (I was in this time- gay was nowhere in the equation)so I took this as an innocent buddy joke. Surprisingly this continued for a very long time and I actually never minded –I remember I asked him one day why he does that –he`d say he is a nipple kind of a guy –doesn’t matter if a guy’s or chicks, now my doubts about his sexuality started.
As time went on I started feeling this guy in a very weird sense since I have never done anything not even fall in love with a dude. I really started thinking of him a lot .One day we were from lunch and this guy tells me he would suck my dick-I looked at him in shock and disbelief like dude am a “GUY”-playing the straight card secretly hoping he actually means what he is saying .then before he entered his class he said he actually meant what he was saying am like yo gay jeez!! , that day my mind was just confused of what to say knowing he is probably waiting for a response ,So the next day I told him ad probably reciprocate (I sound like a teenager-really silly-he he)  then he was like dude I was joking so I let it go. M came back after holidays and started dating this chick, most of the times he`d be like am straight and moved on –not saying but his actions would scream this -just by the way nigga was dumped some 2 months ago the chick saying he is weak emotionally and a poor lover (dude a virgin) in the sense of romance not sex.
So I decide to stop joking and convinced myself me and him would not work, knowing no one between us has even acknowledged if we are gay. He started coming back with this nonsensical rubbish of stories –he would tell me about a gay couple he heard talking about sweet nothings to each other in the men’s toilet. Then he told me one day that the gay couple are cute together, am like why are u telling me shit you pretend u aint and deeply wanna have pliz bitch spare me.
Even though I managed to let go of the feelings of him ,there was this irresistible sexual attraction I have for the nigga, I would tell myself this “struggle” you know guys –its difficult and every one of us deals with it differently and at ones pace so I decided to let go of him to find himself but the truth I know nigga is Gay and hope he accepts the truth about himself- only time will tell the truth!!!
Recently after freshers came, there was this guy –we are doing the same course so we talked and kinder became fast friends, lets call him handsome (dude HOT!!Chicks have been all over his ass).so handsome and I have been hanging out together lately. The guy is like 20 yrs old so I consider him in a period of self realization and don’t wanna be preying on a vulnerable mind. The thing is of late I have been feeling this dude crazy and I think the feeling is somehow mutual but not very sure .The thing is that this guy gives me no queer vibe but yet I can totally make him do whatever. Do I tell him how I feel or just let go –need advice pple……………..
These two scenarios just gives me a sense that maybe I may have the feelings for guys but the big question comes to mind- am I ready to be in a relationship with one? , will it be mutual or “turning tables”?, is it right? ,am just right now at a point of confliction where I have no idea what to do? .yes I may feel attracted to guys but do I want to have gay sex –probably yes and no,-I guess am having the fear of the unknown synonymous with new things.
Please tell me better……………………
  
To be continued………..

ARABIAN FETISH

Since I have known to have a fetish there is this craze I have always had –ARABIAN HUNKS. I mean where I live we have some fine Arab neighbors who I usually see around. There is this thing with them that they peak as in shortly after 18 they look absolutely amazingly HOT.

There this one guy –he basically resembles jesus with all the beautiful black long hair to the ubber smooth skin brown skin tone. jesus passes and everyone looks in awe(even straight guys) he is that fine. I one day joked to a friend that I hope this fine ass gets found –ya know models get found striding in the street in London or drinking coffee at a cafeteria. Not to forget jesus has crystal clear blue eyes with an impeccable smile revealing the perfect teeth I mean I just can’t find an error in creation in this dude and his demeanor is this soft tender and polite shy.

Next is now the neighbor –they are very rich so picture him in this hot sleek car with stunners perfectly matching his face. One of my cousins has a huge crash on him but hey admiring is for free I guess. So he is named flames .He is around 5`9, slender, very good looking with an upcoming mustache with perfect teeth. He has an average sense of style but rocks tight pants.

One day I was coming from school and met flames at the court gate –gosh my blood boiled with lust –images of the things we would be doing to each other engulfing my thoughts, guys the guy was smoking and when I turned to take a last look after he passed me I was floored –he was sagging this black underwear/boxer briefs –God have mercy guys I felt my self getting hard by the second –of course I couldn’t contain myself and “helped myself with butt image in my head”-TRUE STORY-the down side to him is that he abuses drugs which is just a major turn off for so know am fine with myself and the crush on him.

The one thing that really captivates me about Arabs is the ‘R` pronunciation which I always find hilarious –stupid I know. So with Arabs in Kenya they don’t really interact with ‘others’ so my chance with one is but for now a tight dream. Any hot Arab hunk hala my way……… he he

Currently enjoying

Not over you –Gavin degraw

Fly-Nikki minaj ft rihana

Cheers, drink to that-Rihanna

Mirrow –Lil Wayne ft Bruno mars

Lady antebellum-open up your eyes

IT girl-Jason derulo

PAUL

He is brown ,6`2 ,slightly slender and averagely good looking.He`s name is paul and he is a tourism student .So paul came to college when i was in doing some internship earlier in the year so when i came back i immediately took notice of this sseriously good looking guy with bad boy swag.

 So his day i came to school as usual so many a times before i go to class i always hang around one the fly overs we have in school and just maybe make some calls or do nothing. So this day i was having a phone call to one of my girlfriends she is in meru and i have never even seen her but she seem nice to say the least -am loosing track-so this guy comes around wearing a nice white T shirt ,with nice demin trousers and killer snekers with some green something on them,with a very nice looking green scarf-i was smittened away ,i immediately gave im the 'eye' .

So over the weeks i developed this really bad obsession of every morning going around their classes and just looking at his beautiful self-my gaydar is still searching but am positive(he he). So surprisingly in that class is another hot chick i was tuning(she is very hot) so we got close with her and one day i told her to tell Paul "i like his swag"-pretty much sound innocent and by the way most Kenyan chicks always have no clue.

I noticed some change in him in that whenever we met around campus we our eyes meet and he always in places i am in. The one thing that attracts me to him more is his sense of style and his shy nature around me.
For example there is this time we went to the college cafeteria and shortly he came with his friends and they sat next to us(my friends) he would glance at me and most times disappear in his phone-it would really amuse me in a way.

Recently after we opened school i only found out they were going for a trip around the country fer three weeks i was gutted.When we saw each other i would see he really wanted to talk to me but i couldn't- just by the way i have never hit on a guy -it just feels strange not mentioning the fear of "unknown"-i hate rejection we all do .

I for now really miss him really bad i mean he is the first guy ever to have like a strong crush on coupled with feelings surprisingly enough guys i have never talked to him.Am douche bag i know.  Stay tuned ..................

We can all have it

 Why does it seem so synonymous with a lot of gay men, it sounds this comes with being gay or bi.

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and one thing that come out clearly s this bout of depression, self confusion and at time denial coupled with self loathing that is so unnecessary

They say happiness comes from the depths of our souls and every being has an ability to be happy in whatever scenario or situation. It’s a priceless gift happiness they say-I know what many of us are going through can be difficult not to have to deal many a time with it alone or you confide in acquaintances that in turn threaten or blackmail us into their slaves.

The fear of unknown usually overrides us probably denies us the happiness we never come to experience. Love messes us up emotionally and derails us from what we want wholly for what we need sexually. We thinks all is fairytale in relationships and when reality sets in we go into these cocoons of depressing hiding from the world(friends, family) hoping tomorrow the sun will rise with the birds singing happy tune that will rejuvenate us from self destruction.

We always find excuses in unbalanced love, imperfect boyfriends/partners and some time the world if not the devil. We believe having it all in perfect light will bring such unimaginable happiness and contentment only to fall short and find someone to blame at time –we take the blame not knowing we are putting the wrong chip at the wrong place.

It really irritates me when all we can only really think or talk about is our sexuality –I mean we have a world existing besides we just being gay/bi.Why do we really make our sexuality define every aspects of our lives-it like a grading scale everything in our life is graded against. We are beautiful, ugly, imperfect, soft, sweet, bised, stereotypes –we are just as the same-when one tells you as I read in a blog-you are an abomination-please c’mon you really believe that shit and go into depression-the attitude should be am so important and worthy being in this planet for every one of us has a purpose and who are they to judge.

When self meditating I always look around in my life how friends and family value me thus I deeply know am of so much value and purpose yet to be fulfilled and just by the way if one finds you useless in the since when they know who you really are the depart then sweethearts you are roaming with the wrong ants. 


The one thing we can know is we are all beautiful and nothing can replace every one of us knowing each one of us has a divine purpose to achieve in this world.

AM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi guys, I know am such a God knows what. This month has been very interesting for me since my last post. I have been doing my end year exams so a dude gotta read. Then I had the privilege to hike one of Africa`s highest mountains which is has a creator on top of it. Going round the creator was just breath taking to say the least. Kenya is just beautiful period.

I had this crush in school whom I struggled to approach(sorry vain I failed) –hope next semester I will master the necessary strength to say atleast hi,-more updates on this later.

This is me; 

Songs rocking ma world now;

Sing –my chemical romance

Futuristic lover –katty perry

If I die young-band perry

Cupid-amy winehouse

Adele-set fire to the rain

Adele-someone like you

Beyonce-Best thing I never had-she pregnant can`t stop laughing at Jay z child joke-ofcourse on his seriously good look.

Maroon 5-stutter

Lady gaga-born this way

Kanye ft jay z-ottis

Series currently loving

Borgias-love the catholic analogy

Merlin-I loved it as a child so …..

Greys anatomy season 7-adent fan

Mad men-love Christina hendrics bust and her signature walk-fan of this show will know

Vampire diaries-cathrine is fierce-ian someholder ???????-esp the eyes

Dexter-I love this guy.

ME

Am slender and dark in complexion

Am very assertive with my opinions and intelligent to add

Am still finding me on the romantic sex life

 I love rock music the most

Am religious-follow T D jakes ,joel Osteen and john hagee.

 I love humanity.

Am much at times the life of the party-no bragging trust me.

MORE 2 COME…………….. :-)

Life is a bitch!!

Life is a bitch but can also be a sweet bitch to enjoy.Am a lost but surviving fellow in this mad part of the world,I live in nairobi where opinions can be liberal but also very sharp against what is common ideology.  Life in college is pretty interesting but having nobody to it with is a suffocation only some of u have gone through and well know.I mean these feelings are just conflicting in my inner being but who can have my hand lead me forward? 

 At times i look around me ,hear the disdain in peoples voices, the sneer ,the whispers behind once back ohh my Do i hear judgment in those tongues i bet,but who doesn`t want to be among the sane ,happy and "normal" .
 Can i say am conflicted on who i like sexually ,am sorry to be maybe gullible to say the least but really i find women sexually attractive and a turn on just as guys(first time to acknowledge) .suppression has been my way of self conviction am OK- but i have no idea where to head -my mind is telling me whats wrong from whats right but my body is reacting to things i cant seem to ignore.Geez i have had self meditating to taking meds for headache -questions engulf me everyday -who am i?
                   Who do i want to be?
                   Do i have the power to change how am feeling?
                  Will the feelings wane off with time?
                  Why me GOD? WHY ME?

A lot has been said but do I feel relieved NO –my friends take much value of me and for them to come to the ugly truth behind me it would be like stripping naked in the street of Nairobi. I will feel nothing but constant judgment and questions of “why rob?”  And I would have no explanation because in real essence they really don’t wanna know.

Moments of bodily thrill excite a side of us but when the truth surfaces we should be really able to face it with all we’ve got. Without the cliché of blaming the devil. Maybe were all in glass houses as vain reckons but how strong or vulnerable are our glasses, Are we that transparent or tinted? The  depth of a man`s strength lies in his weakness.  Am I alone in this? I hope not. 












Raise your glass –pink.