NOT CONFLICTED BUT ACCEPTED.

when i started this blog my gosh i was in a lost place,i had feeling of attraction to men with baffled me many a times.
a part of loved it so much jst as i loathed my self ,i was taught men should behave in a certain way and going against the grain is abnormality near abomination.
who could i tell ,i needed somebody to listen,to cry with me, a voice to tell me its okay,a shoulder to bury my shame so i thot, seeking solace in my world was impudency to claim.
i wasnt ready for people to know me like this,the jeers,the whispers,the shame, the self doubt,the third eye ad be given,i wasnt ready to cry and face the world .
reading blogs here jst was a breath of fresh air,just wat i needed, "VAIN,RECLUSIVE ONE,GAYTEKEEPER,SINIA SAFI,CUPETEA,RANDOM,BAMA BOY BLUES jst to name a few have helped me in this wonderful journey.
i love myself more am not ashamed of who i am no confliction anymore,i knw who i am and ofcourse the road wont be easy but al enjoy it.
al be changing the blogs name soon to reflect my new identity.
cheers yoll

Smouldering

I have recently been busy with school work exams and relevant entities.Thank God am finaly done with college as i embark on my journey of adult hood coupled with freedom of exploration.

Got a hit up recently from some guyz on fb but i was never feeling both~an asian dude and some teen ,the teen seemed kinder nice but my concience wasnt feeling it ,the young lad needs more time for self realization.The asian dude was kinder way mature for me he was like 10yrs older than me~experienced in gay dating and all.

I just feel like i want some age mate we could reason with @ per because it would be easier for me to be my self act under no pressure and feel the vibe well.

Shocker is i cant to let go dem nigga i had a huge crush on(hot boy) from previous post,even though i kinder told him off on his general character ettiquette~he seemed so pissed and probably not friends anymore but anyhow am awesome nd life is a bitch..

Not fealt this post.nkt..

I have been getting this feeling guyz have been checking me out.i have kinder upgraded my style ,clothings,i walk around more confident self aware without a care in the world.

My main problem is after i hitted on my straight friend which ended in a hot mess,i want to be atleast sure or slightly convinced the next nigga would be bi/gay.

The gaydar is something is still very elusive for me,how does one know ,a dude is into you,the look,his demenour,his swag,hes behaviour around you.

Here many people are closeted and knowing who wants to play can be very daunting or atleast hard.

People i need tips,suggestions,things i can even do myself to give the gay vibe to attract dem brothers my way.

I seriously need some man loving real hard ,i feel like am ready to explore this side of me.Its my life anyway so will be very catious of the consequences that comes with it.

If you are single and in kenys hit me up in my email or all yo can send me emails of elaborate tip/directions.

All info send to robmark516@gmail.com ,all will be appreciated. thnx yo.

IDENTITY

when i was growing up ,my life was in shambles living as an orphan that no one wanted,found a burden by many,dispised more often ,as a child we feel bruised and emoionally emasculated.

One has to find solace and a strength in what makes us feel valuable and full of worth.many a times we develop a thick skin to block the pain away.

This rather developed me into a being that is self aware and know my guards ohh to well,using my strengths to my benefits and working through my weaknesses to be better.

Self identity is a process that can take years depending with factors one lives in.One would ask me what is your strongest point as many will go with  physicality,achievements but i would rather without a shred of doubt go for my mind.It can open doors and overcome barriers @ times even living me all to well perplexed by my capabilities.

Sexuality is one of the hardest things that has really bagged me strongly i might say.I feel attracted to guys yes but never acted upon it until recently finally caving out of the comfort shell.many around me know am very opinionated and have strong value for certain things in life like homosexuality.

Many gays find their identities on their sexuality ,its what they flaunt ,its who they really and all about yet ,being critical of them based on that they find offense.*DEBATEABLE*

Lets find identity on our content of characters we are inside of us.was listening to this bbc documentary of gays in turkey who don't want to go to the army so to be allowed to do so they have to prove they are gay~photos or sex tapes.i get their pain but why cant gay men prove we are just as MEN like other men.

Where is the masculine gay constructor "left" he is just as gay , gay doesn't have to be all sissy ,wanna be female which Hollywood is showing.more so here in Kenya. gay people are associated with prostitution and femininity which is VERY vague and insulting.there is a straight looking accountant,
chef,teacher,ceo,engineer,lawyer who's identity is not really his sexuality but what he stands for in the society.

We are fabulous beings and we aught to eradicate the "vast" misconceptions by giving our identity some concrete.we just so happen to enjoy sex with the same gender but we are just as men ..

ELUSIVE FANTACY

Life is a journey that we would love to control,hear the whispers of the wind on the trees,the cries of pain of the suffering,we mask ourselves hoping it gets better,we adapt to different situations and environnments in order to lessen the pain or increase the comftability. life is a strange process at times it overwhelms us with its facets of dynamism ,we so entangled so deep we fasten our belts but never know how to untie them.

Mr hot cake (lets call him SK) The man that unbuckled my safety belts and knuckled me senseless with his beauty.so i came out to him as i told you guys earlier.his response was rather strange,we were supposed to meet up on a wednesday ,so he told me he will hala .dude dint even care to text or call ,so i text him of course with an agitated sound to tell him we just call it off~hard hinted of my intentions and we cant be friends.so he was like its all gud if its what you want.My gudness it was such a painful period getting rid of the emotions and forgetting him,them he calls four days later like nothing happened that am silent.geez

So i texted him later that day telling him how i really feel,kissing his lips!gosh they are luscious,don't even start me up on his booty with all his man swag,maleness oozing of him,he does the sagging thing where i would see Dem cakes PERFECTLY i want him more.He has this tenderness about him that is so attractive so irresistible.

So he said NO it cant happen,it was heart piercing but also a sense of freedom i direly needed to be able to let go and move on.i have decided am not going to cling on something that is never going to happen ,the unavailable type that will mess my feelings as he enjoys his gf pussy without a care in the world.

My love wil go more to loving me and having more time for self reavaluation to find my strenghts that wil help me be a better person in my world as well as to the next lover.chasing shadows is epitomy of apathy in sence of delusionment that am not going to let take me over.i cant change him or make him a person he is not,to feel things he cant feel or know not how.letting go is a relieve that is gonna help me grow...

But strangely enough he gave me a sense of elusive fantasy ,that removed me from my comfort zone and finally made me crave to explore this side of me,listening to kate voegele,colbie caillat,joshua radin and jason mraz aint helping either but i guess these are experiences we learn from and be better persons.

cheers.

crazzy ha!!

Sometimes stars have their significant others come visit them on the set at work. Such is the case with this acting couple. She came to his film set for a quick visit before hopping a plane back to her own film set. It was nice day, and the two of them went inside and shut the door. You already know what happened next: Fifteen minutes of noisy, trailer-rocking sex! Now, this wasn’t some quickie in a private place. This was a trailer, parked on a city street, with the windows wide open, and the two of them moaning so loudly that anyone within thirty feet could hear them! The actor’s bodyguard (who was stationed outside the trailer) was clearly embarrassed, and did his best to make sure that civilians were staying far away from the trailer, but there was nothing he could do about the crew members who were lingering nearby, enjoying the sexy entertainment. What is really odd to us is that people who know this couple have told us in the past that they are a PR setup and that the two don’t even like each other! So either they were putting on a very realistic performance to convince others that their relationship is legit … or they are now are serious eff buddies. Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel


AM TORN ON WHAT TO BELIEVE HERE..

FAMOUS Blind vicers

It turns out that Hollywood is not the only place you need beards. Sports also has a need for beards. What happens when you combine the two? You get an NFL player who wants to meet gay actors so "dates" a B list actress. Hey, she has done it before for a reality star. Hayden Panettiere and Scotty McKnight 

Which (unfortunately) A list R&B singer loves touring overseas because he hires male hookers he beats while yelling he's not gay & then fucks them. Usher

 THIS A-List actor shed his substance abuse problems to become a Hollywood role model for clean living, but now it seems he has a new addiction – cross-dressing! He loves to doll himself up in vintage women’s clothing and has spent more than $10,000 on items such as high heels, dresses, fancy hair accessories and hats. The goods are ordered online (using an alias) and delivered to his manager’s house. Robert Downey Jr.

 THIS Oscar-winning ladies’ man has taken his obsessive and out-of-control sex life to new levels. The heterosexual comedian/actor/singer is so insatiable that he’s started turning tricks with men! Who is the newly bisexual star? Jamie Foxx

 This actor has been immersing himself in work and flying under the radar lately. That will soon change. His reps have been beard shopping for him to start publicity just in time for a couple of films to hit theaters. Jake Gyllenhaal



digging more dirt..stay tunned