Confiction

Confiction

Thursday 25 July 2013

FOR BETTER FOR WORSE


Life is funny; it’s cruel, ruthless, crazy, fun, enlightening and filled with a ray of mixed emotions that sometimes way us down. The crisp difference between sadness and joy is so thin that situations can force us to make difficult decisions regarding what’s wrong from right.

In the this lifestyle, it’s even harder to make sound choices considering the cold homophobic environment we live in only to be compounded further by the utter illusionalism many gay men dream with, the perfect bf ,one who will carry our burdens, walk hand in hand in the streets without shame, one who hold you against his breathing broad chest ,you the one that makes you feel safe in his muscular arms ,ride and wallow in his toxic love, the perfect one that cares for nothing really but the love ,the bond the connection the two of you share, unfortunately  reality rains in our parade as the real gay world is filled with cheaters, hoes, callous, dirty, dreamers, self hating men ,daft ,sex crazies.

I believe there exist prolly good decent gay guys but goodness are they far and wide to be found, the ones that will be dedicated to something albeit not perfect or who believe in “working it out” irrespective of the differences  in opinions and sundry. I remember when my ex told me he has seizures before we even met, I freaked the hell out and called a very close g pal for counsel and what he told me I will never forget….he said “rob you have a character that can handle any situation, you are good hearted and kind guy, he may be just maybe the one you’ve been waiting for” 

I agreed and this never was an issue to me at all throughout the rship,I wouldn’t lie I was sometimes scared but I was going to be there for him through the worse ,I was going to be true to my character and be a good bf in worse & trying times, am writing this because a another friend confided in me about his ex bf and boy oh boy I was very saddened by the story….let me paraphrase…

They met in high school and began dating second term of fourth form, the rship was good, they enjoyed each other and life was good infact after exams ,he went and visited the bf at their rural place ,this would soon become the norm -they would visit each other back and forth so much both families knew the they were close pals…..tragedy happened and the bf was involved in a grisly accident that left him amputated on both legs, my friend was heartbroken and at loss  but he visited him often in the hospital…..one day the sister told my friend  the bf(brother) told him everything ,she knows their secret that the brother confided in her..of course then my friend was still struggling with his sexuality so he freaked out and never returned to the hospital but would occasionally tweet the sister checking if her brother is okay.

This is something that happened three four years ago and hez never communicated to his lover or the sister, until he told me the story a couple of days ago, I reasoned with him that sometimes what we need is to be that person that rises above adversity and difficult situations and be the better person, someone who can stick with us through thick and thin but because we get stuck up in looking for “perfect man” we get astray loose focus and end up with wounded lonely hearts..We have to think beyond what is physically attractive and look for the beauty within.

He finally called the sister and he reached his former lover who was nothing but ELATED,ECSTACTIC AND HAPPY that he can see his love’s face again, infact he  cracked a joke that he was so sure deep within his gut he would look for him even if it’s after five years. Dating again I have no idea but we should be people that bring happiness and joy to the ones we treasure, atleast we owe it to them…….   
Can you stick through better or worse……..

Wednesday 24 July 2013

LUNCH BOY


Am such a douche , I know, it’s just I have been up and down lately and ignored my “diary”. Life is okay to say the least and am growing and liking the confidence I have developed over the years in terms with my sexuality. So there is this guy I keep meeting at my favorite lunch spot.hez tall chocolate, medum in body, ad say right in the right places,lol . i mean broad chest, nice goatee (am a sucker for men with this beard) ,bubble ass and to top it all nigga is sexy with swag in his walking style. At first I never cared about him but after several meet ups I would notice him staring at him me strangely, not to be cocky or jump into conclusions I never gave him the “eye contact thing” until I was sure .so this piqued my interest in him and I started noticing him, expecting him like u know looking forward for lunch just to see his face, I perve in my head the deets we would be doing in a free world. 

One thing about me I detest ,I think it’s my weakness- am a poor ice –convo breaker ,I don’t know how to start conversations with strangers more so boys that am attracted to, so its been a nightmare to say the least,  Week in week out I have made  resolutions to finally talk to him, I get to know where his head his,prolly he just wants friendship ,to compound my dilemma is the fact that my gaydar is so pathetic I have no idea if hez gay or not (can’t say by just looking at him) -no alarms at all.

BTW this cutey is a college boy at a medical training institute –a friend told me the probability of him playing for the winning team is high, male nurses are so G.so up my hopes for the night in my shinning amour,"save me person" "save me" my alter ego cries.

 One day I met him in a weekend on his casual clothes ,I swear i instantly hardened  ,he was so enticing to sleep with lol, I mean he was donning a cool fitting jeans pants of course his big dick print showing(yes I noticed that, lol) ,a black tight fitting tee shirt with cool imprints all over plus nice sneakers ,lawd I was swooned, then when he passed me as I turned our eyes met,  I wanted to grab him there and then to a make out session of his life.
Currently my time is running out and I have to act fast but I have no idea what to do ,he would be a good sex reliever ,this guy here is rusty,hehe……………………………………………………………..